Wednesday, December 21, 2011

For your lack of Compassion....I thank you.



To the person who allowed this little angel to roam the streets and end up in a Hartford Shelter to be put to sleep without even caring enough to LOOK for her....THANK YOU.
To the person who left her with worms and starving to face the city streets and the isolation of two weeks in the shelter WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING FOR HER....THANK YOU.
Because of your inhumane lack of caring, I found my best friend. 
My only hope is that your lack of compassion will be returned to you one day...
In the mean time....
I have picked up the pieces and have shown this amazing creature the love that you couldn't be bothered to provide.
Merry Christmas....I pity you....

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Behold The Lowly Turkey

I wrote this a few years back to remind me to be thankful-
I hope it spreads the message....

                                      "Behold The Lowly Turkey”        
Every year around this time, we think back on the year,
And reflect on what we’re thankful for, with those who we hold dear.
And every year around this date, we spend a day of rest;
Feasting at our tables with our families and our guests.
But behold the modest turkey for he goes about this day;
Thankful for the grain he has and thankful for the hay.
He cares not what the farmer does, nor does he have the thought,
Of butchers’ knives or farmers’ wives or stuffing or the pot.
If we could only show ourselves as carefree as the bird,
And go about our daily lives with no complaining heard,
The time of year for giving thanks would never more be had.
And the humble little turkey would be grateful, and be glad.
But if still you look upon your life, and no thankfulness is there,
And reasons for your gratitude can’t be seen anywhere;
If when reflect on your life, you still see things as grim?
Behold the lowly turkey and be thankful you’re not him.

**********************

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...
On November 24th and everyday....Give Thanks, life is never as bad as it seems even at it's worse.  Use the good times to offer a hand up to someone who isn't as fortunate.  No matter how low you may think you are, there is always someone further down the line who needs your help, even if it's just a kind word.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

LOVE IS LOVE......

Should gay marriage be legalized? 
About 7 years ago back in 2004 when I was first exposed to the issue, I felt inspired to document my thoughts in the form of poetry.  Whether you support this important social issue or whether you do not please at least be opened minded enough when reading to try to see the point I am making.  The issue is not an question about what is moral or immoral, and although it is by definition a LEGAL issue, it is more than that.  It's a human issue that raises the question of whether or not two people of the same gender, who have committed and devoted themselves to each other with the promise to remain a “pair” throughout the remainder of their lives should not only have the same LEGAL rights as two heterosexual individuals, but also the same social tolerance and right to the diginity of being treated with respect and fairness in claiming those legal rights. Please when reading, know that I am not criticizing anyone’s faith, I am merely raising the question of whether or not we are in a position that gives us the right to judge ANYONE.  I am not stating an opinion….just raising a few questions.   I will say publicly though, that I WILL support the gay community in creating awareness of this very important social issue.
 If Two Should Share
 If two should love, and if two should live.
And if two should share all that love they give.
 What gives the right to these hypocrites
To fight their fight using politics?
 Do they have the right to use God above,
 To cast their blame-in the name of “His” love?

 IF two be gentle, quiet and kind
 And pay their social debt,
 And one is taken, one left behind;
 What good will does the behind one get?
 Without acceptance, the majority rules,
 Claiming morals as their guise.
 They walk their paths as though they're fools
 And step around the wise.
 But those whose loyalty is strong
 And devotion fast and true;
Who will remain intact, however long
 Until their life is through.
 Their only sin, these loyal ones
 Who's love is genderless,
 Is the sin of pure devotion,
 And unselfish tenderness.

 How can we judge our neighbors,
 And deny them what WE feel?
 When they share with us in our labors
 And are cogs in the same wheel.
How can we approach our Creator
With a conscience that is true,
 When we've used this life to hate or harm
When our time on earth is through?



Love is Love everybody, be kind to each other......


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

What IS that for anyway?

So…
This past four day weekend Bob and I took a much too long trip to Ohio to see our new (old) houseboat.  Amazingly we survived the long boring trip through Pennsylvania (did I mention boring?) with our marriage intact.  Along the way several discussions came up.
The first one was “Why do we have earlobes?”  What? I wanted to know! We bantered back and forth for at least 30 miles but still couldn’t come up with an answer.  Finally, we decided that they were put there for “Earbobs”-My final answer.  Does ANYONE know why we have earlobes, because we never could find a definitive reason? 
This question then brought along a very long chain of other questions, ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime.   Among them came the subject of the epiglottis…you know, that little punching bag thing that hangs in the back of your throat.  What IS that thing and what is it for anyway?  We never did figure this one out, so when I got back I looked it up on good ole Google.  Who would have thought that without that little flap of meat, we would choke to death.  I guess it closes off the airway when we eat and drink so we don’t inhale our nourishment instead of eating it (or drinking it).  Go figure.
Also, was the question of road kill…along the way we saw countless remains of deer in every size, shape and degree of decomposition (did I mention that in addition to being excessively monotonous and unpopulated, Western Pennsylvania also smells revoltingly like roadkill?)  This brought about the question of location.  It seemed that every carcass we encountered was left in the same exact part of the road…always to the right with just the upper part of its body either on the rumble strip or the white line.  Why????  Are they ALL hit here?  Are they thrown to this spot by oncoming tractor trailers?  How is this possible with so many speed and position variables?  Is it some mysterious creed among ungulate whereby they vow and shake their little hooves in a sacred deer oath that in order to maintain their honor, they will use their last bit of life’s energy to find the highway “sweet spot”?  Why were none of these poor animals in the road, or even on the left hand lane?  I wonder if the poor deers (get it?) stopped to get a drink from the grooves in the rumble strip and their epiglottis didn’t close and they choked to death and drowned there?  Not likely though.  Maybe it’s a practical joke among truckers?  At any rate…not funny guys!  I know, Perhaps the members of the highway department in them parts move them there in some sort of twisted hillbilly nature religion ritual?  I suppose it could be possible, but If this were the case, they could have gone that extra step and just dragged them into the countless acres of tree after tree after tree and spared us the revulsion of death’s perfume. 
…Yeah, driving that six hundred plus miles to Ohio, there were many other questions, but these are all my brain (and marriage) can handle right now.  If anyone has better answers, or answers at all, help me out here…inquiring minds want to know…
…Oh, by the way, Ohio greeted us with a rainbow just as we crossed the bridge over the Ohio River, but that doesn’t mean it’s the promise land….You can trust me on that one…

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It's the end of the world as we know it....

So....
I hope all of you are ready, because as of Saturday at 6:00pm, life as we know it is about to change...The world is going to end!  What you don’t believe me?  Just ask Harold Camping, President of Family Radio, in California--he has it all figured out.
Apparently, this Civil Engineer from California has figured out a way using numbers and clues from the Bible to calculate an exact day when the apocalypse will begin...it’s all very scientific you know.  Of course it isn’t the first time.  He also used his prediction method to foretell the same event on September 6th, 1994 but had to admit the next morning on September 7th, that he may have been wrong...Good Call, Harold? Ya think?  Did you check your work using perhaps a casting 9’s method of checking?  Nine IS a magical number you know, it would have shown you the error.
Hearing about this, got me thinking...What if he’s right this time?  What if he really is a genius and the great tribulation that our parents threatened us with is not only true, but about to begin...
What if this wacko beat the odds and actually came up with a way to unlock the mysteries of one
of the oldest ciphers on earth.  And what about the impending 5 months after until the destruction of earth...couldn’t he have at least waited until after my birthday on the 25th?  Then I shook my head popping the thought bubble above it.  Realizing where the information came from I returned to the analytical skeptic that greets me in the mirror each morning and gave a sigh of relief.  He didn’t suck me into his heresy (this time)!

Besides, First of all, his whole basis on religion cannot be proven.  Even if the numbers he is using were from a proven scientific source, there are just too many variables.  Basing his findings on even the Mayan Haab (Solar Calendar) would still leave room for error.
“Using a calendar with 365 days every year would result in a loss of 0.2422 days, or almost six hours per year. After 100 years, this calendar would be more than 24 days ahead of the season (tropical year), which is not desirable or accurate. It is desirable to align the calendar with the seasons and to make any difference as insignificant as possible.  By adding a leap year approximately every fourth year, the difference between the calendar and the seasons can be reduced significantly, and the calendar will align with the seasons much more accurately.” (http://www.timeanddate.com/date/leapyear.html)  If each calendar year loses .2422 days, and we only figure in the .24, then what of the other .0022 days?  It would seem to me that these over the course of millennia would add up pretty substantially.  Although, he does base his calculations on the death of Christ, a documented historical figure, but even at that?  Can we really depend on the accuracy of historical documentation that specifically...right down to the day and hour?   

So instead of hiding in fear of my impending doom...I think I will just wait it out with a bottle of really good wine and when the hour approaches, I will blast REM’s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” laughing maniacally to myself at the fact that after this time around...It really will be the end of the world as Mr. Camping knows it, because who’s going to believe his absurdity a third time (although, I am sure there are plenty of sheep who will)?  You don’t believe this wackjob do you?  Seriously?  Harold Camping, I mean (obviously not Yours Truly).

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

HAPPY BIDDING AND THANKS FOR LOOKING!!!

So…
Lately I’ve been trying to make some extra money by selling some stuff on EBAY.  You know what?   I just can’t get over how you can triple or quadruple your money by posting your crappy used and unwanted things publicly for a nominal fee.  People just eat the stuff up…but what people?  Did you ever wonder who buys the crap? 
This time around I posted a pair of size 9 ½ gently worn women’s shoes.  The next day I got a request from who knows WHAT, to post pictures of the shoes while being worn “with a foot in them”.   This person wanted to see how they would look “with a foot” in them!!  WTF?   After wondering about the disturbing possibilities of such a request (and deciding “what the hell!”)  in the name of commerce, I unapologetically placed my foot into the shoe and asked my husband to click away.  Of course, having posted the images, no bid was offered (as promised) and I’ve now inherited the hobby of visiting sordid internet sites catering to weirdoes with cankle fetishes to retrieve my photograph.  I can just see it now posted on the wall of some pervert somewhere who has a thing for chunky ankles and calves in black Kenneth Cole pumps.  Guess what though-- I fooled him (or her…eeek)!   I wore black knee socks for the photo.   somehow though I don’t think that someone that obscure would be intimidated by a pair of black knee highs with lint balls…
YYYYUP!…
The next morning after the image was uploaded, I went online to eagerly see what bid my mystery pervert submitted…and…behold, no bid…*sigh*
BUT…. there in my email was another request from “thelaststarlighter”!  This time I was being asked to
take a picture of the bottom of the shoes to show how much wear was done during my “gently worn”
use.  This really isn’t that odd of a request when you think about it and I almost hit delete before I read the final paragraph…
Apparently though,  the shoes are “intended as a gift” and the potential buyer wanted to know just how used they are before giving them.   I almost choked on my coffee.  Um…seriously?!   You want me to post pictures of the extent of wear on these shoes so that you can determine if they are suitable to be given as a gift!?  What could possibly be the occasion to give used shoes as a gift?  National Foot Odor Awareness  Day?  Of course, my daughter offered to purchase the shoes herself in exchange for my confronting this person on the subject, but I declined, preferring the thrill and the sport of selling them fairly and squarely to any deviant whose  check clears.  As a result I’ve decided that from now on, even if nothing sells, I’m just going to sit back and have some fun.  I may miss out on a few sales, but from now on I’m going to mess with these people.    
Well, some people would have been scared away by the whole EBAY hiding weirdo thing at this point, but not me, I don’t scare easily.   Besides, I can hardly count the minutes until I can post some of the vintage lingerie I plan to put up for sale.
HAPPY BIDDING AND THANKS FOR LOOKING!!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A humorous reminder that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

So...
I was sent this email by a friend and just had to share it.  Even though I didn't write it, I am so sorry I didn't, so I just have to paste it here for your reading enjoyment and the hope that it will give you some chuckles like it did me. 
*******************************************************************************************
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and
cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by Professor
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. It was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
 learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
 many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
 for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
 be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
    provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
    claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
    Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
    In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
    period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
    tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
    claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
   clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
   myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
   abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
   don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
   defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
   vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
    their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
    should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
     crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
     different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
     and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
     getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
    just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people
    who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
 expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

 Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum,
 Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

(It would be a @#$% shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)
**************************************************************************************

I hope you laugh as much as I did....
:)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dark Lord Sinterklaas UPDATE

So….
If you remember back to a month or so ago, I had introduced you to Dark Lord Sinterklaas who was withholding spring from us all.  This villain’s presence still plagues my morning commute and this morning as I travelled to work I decided that it was time to do something about it.  Writing down the house number and looking at the street, I now know where to send my thoughts.  Below is a letter that I have drafted in this regard…..
Dear Sir/Madam:
I write to you today to respectfully ask, no… plead with you, to please take down that wretched plywood cut out of St. Nicholas that mocks me each day as I pass by your house.
As you may have noticed, your wall Calendar no longer indicates that it is December, it now displays the month of April. Marked by the budding of the trees, the Vernal Season has arrived.  Christmas has come and gone months ago and it is now time to remove your frightening Yuletide display and welcome the splendor of the New England Springtime. 
In recent weeks as the Easter holiday has approached, I have entertained notions of a similarly frightening, large two dimensional Easter Bunny arriving in his place.  Initially I contemplated that this alternative would have been more palatable.   Soon, though, those fantasies brought on the harsh possibility that perhaps, he too would hang--until in June or July, he was replaced by Uncle Sam.  This epiphany brought on a fast sobriety regarding the subject at hand.   As I thought about this I soon questioned, where would it all stop…how far would it go?   Would a Giant Witch, Spider, Vampire or similarly ghoulish figure be displayed in October?   Even worse, perhaps a Gargantuan Gobbler would be hung when November arrived?  I realized the possibilities and shuddered.
So, dear Sir or Madam, I ask you.   How long do you plan to display your Two Dimensional Nightmare; Indefinitely?  Is it your goal to just leave him up until once again, the skies turn dark, the weather turns bitter and snowflakes fall?  How long will you leave him up?  Christmas has passed and soon the heat of summer will be upon us.  Think of the condition that the burning rays of the sun will leave your effigy in.  Think of the fading that will occur, or worse the black mold from the rain penetrating into the pores of the wood.  What of the rusting and decay of the installation hardware.  What of safety? If not for esthetic or communal decency, then do it for Santa Claus--for heaven’s sake!  DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!!!
Now, I understand that there are circumstances that come up in our life that prevent us from performing certain tasks, but if this is the case then I implore you, surely there is SOMEONE who could retire this monument to an acceptable storage facility.  He is scaring people! 
Please dear friends, take a moment to consider my request and remove the vile two dimensional display before It is once again time to put it back up again.  If you decide you ignore my request, then as a favor could you at least tie a large yo-yo to his pointing finger so that he is not so threatening to those passing by?
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
I’m not quite sure when or if I will actually send this letter, but for now, it gave me a pretty strong sense of satisfaction….

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pomme D'amore

So…
Today during lunch a funny conversation occurred….
My daughter and I were enjoying our oranges-- trading sections and comparing the different taste of each.  My daughter hates the state of Florida (even though she has never been there) and I am in love with the state.  I was enjoying a Florida orange.  Incidentally, she who will be travelling to Los Angeles in a few weeks on vacation just happened to be eating a fruit from the state of, you guessed it…California.
Gleefully, my Florida orange was the juicier, better tasting of the two, HA!
But this is all beside the point.


As the oranges were consumed, the question came up regarding the origin of oranges as a food.... 



Her: “Imagine the first person who ever tasted and orange?”
Me:  “I bet they were like wow! Both before and after they figured out that they had to peel it first”
         They used to think that tomatoes were poisonous you know.”
Her: “They did?”
Me: “Yeah, imagine the guy that tried to commit suicide by eating tomatoes?”
Her: “I bet he gave all his things away and told people off and made them mad before he did it”
Me: “Fail”
Her: “I bet that’s why they throw tomatoes at people now, because of that guy”
Me: “Sorry for spitting soda out my nose all over the place”
Her: “Wish I had a tomato right now.”
Just thought I would share with you all…oh, by the way…I wish I could have been there to watch the orange guy’s face when he finished his orange and bit into that Lemon for the very first tme…

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

So….
Today while sitting at my desk, I got a notion to send my husband a message at his work to let him know I was thinking of him.  I opened my last text and proudly typed XOXOXO on the screen and hit send.  A few minutes later I got a text back from my son, Erik, asking what my text was all about.  Apparently, he had sent me a text earlier and thinking it was my hubby’s last one, when I opened it, it was his that I replied to with the message.  I replied telling him to ignore the last text, it wasn’t for him.  A minute or two later, it occurred to me that I had just told my own son to disregard my hugs and kisses, that they weren’t meant for him. 
Oh well, so much for this year’s Mother’s Day gift from him. 
On another note…here is today’s question.
Last week one of the VP’s at my company fell skiing and hurt his knee.  His office is across from mine and
watching him today, I have made an interesting observation.  He limps all the time so I know that he is in pain, but what is interesting is that when someone asks how he is doing, and he stops his pace to tell them, when he walks away, his limp is much, much worse.
Is it possible that stopping to talk for 30 seconds to describe his injury and accident in detail (for the billionth time) would cause enough pain to return to make him limp that much worse?
I suppose it’s possible…go figure. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Way ta go Slick, YOU ROCK!

                                                   
So….
Driving into work this morning an interesting point came up…
Why is it that so many women apply their makeup, and do the front of their hair flawlessly and yet leave the back looking like they combed it with an eggbeater? Men don’t do this… Is it just laziness or do they truly not even know how bad it looks?
2010/07/22  /uh-oh-the-lowdown-on-britney-
spearss-bad-hair-day/
Now I realize that the fact that I did hair for a living for years may make me a little more sensitive to this, but seriously, is it just me, yet again who picks up on these things?  Ever see someone walking and you just want to reach up and say “here love, let me get this for you” and just start combing all the curls that were placed there with the morning curling iron routine and then forgotten when the front was combed or styled?  Or, if you are going to take that much time to use a flat iron, then Sweetie, include those poor lonely tresses in the back of your head, ignoring them just makes you look like you spent the last 6 hours lying flat on your back like a turtle trying to get up…and having a damn hard time at it.  
http://beautifulwithbrains.com/2010/02/26/qotw-
what-haircut-have-you-always-wanted/  

This brought up another question.  What makes us like how we look to begin with no matter how ridiculous the style is?  Who dictates “style” and trends?  I remember years ago going to hair shows and some of the things that the designers and models up on the stage were trying to push as “coiffures” were nothing more than some mistake made while experimenting on some unsuspecting classroom model…but because “Paul Mitchell Systems”, or Some nameless artistic director from any one of the Salon Product lines said that it was HIGH FASHION, people lined up to have it done to them.  Remember the RACHEL hairstyle in the 1990’s?  The choppy shag that Jennifer Anniston made famous on the TV show “Friends”?  That was nothing more than an accident that had to be corrected as Jennifers hair grew out and Jennifer Anniston HATED it (http://www.fashionencyclopedia.com/fashion_costume_culture/Modern-World-1980-2003/Rachel-Haircut.html).  Of course the rest of American woman went for it like hotcakes.  Like lemmings, British women claimed it as the Country's most popular hairstylehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_haircut. They all had their hair cut to match.   Hell, some still sport it to this day!
I remember years ago there was a girl who worked in a local department store and every time I saw her she had the same style.  She had very naturally curly dark hair and she would apply some sort of an oily salon product to tame the curls…to the point where the hair was clumped solidly and oily all the way down to the ends as if it had Vaseline in it, and who knows maybe it did….  She would then divide the hair into 5 or 6 sections and there it would hang in sectioned banana curls.  It was always the same stuck straight to her scalp and hanging freely from chin to ends.  I began to wonder if she just didn’t wash or take care of it and it was her natural hair oil causing this until one day I went to the store to buy some items and when I had to make a next day return trip to the store to exchange some of them, I realized this was not the case--it was on purpose.  That next day, I went into the store and she was there with what appeared to be brand new the night before, professionally applied blonde highlights….the only problem is that the highlights hung heavily, included in the oily spirals.  I could just hear her telling the hairdresser how to style her hair…first put a handful of styling crème(or bacon grease), then divide the hair into 5 or 6 even sections and just let ‘em hang…  WTF???? From that day on, she affectionately came to be known to me as “Slick”. 
I don’t know what to think of all of this, I guess it doesn’t matter WHAT I think.  I guess the point is-- SHE thought it looked awesome!  And because of it, she ROCKED that hairdo… even if it did look ridiculous to the general public. 
At the end of the day, I guess it all comes down to what makes us feel good about ourselves is what is important.  It's what gives each of us a sense of identity, ridiculous in other peoples eyes or not. However, although I am sure that multiple sociological studies have been performed on the subject--I just hope it never changes, because the whole damn thing just makes me chuckle…. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

You've Got Mail

So…
I have come up with a nice quiet secret way to have fun at work….
Since almost all of the interoffice communication takes place via email, there are
quite alot of “thank you”(s) sent. 
Here is my game, from now on whenever I get a thank you
for a task or any short reply in general, I will send back a reply such as “no…thank you” or “ok”, or “You are very welcome”, or “thank YOU for your help” or “your patience is commendable”.  You get the picture, something that may illicit another reply.
Now, the entertainment comes from seeing how many replies you can receive from the other person to keep the thread going.  The art of the whole thing is that the unsuspecting “victim” on the other end of the email has no idea that you are using them for your own entertainment purposes.  You can vary the game by setting daily, weekly or monthly reply goal records or even a hall of fame as to who you get to unknowingly play along most often.  I tell you it is complete and total secret sportsmanship-- AND you still appear to be an efficient and diligent employee.  It’s the perfect crime! …Pure Genius!
So next time you have an opportunity, try it out.  If nothing else, knowing that those around your desk hearing your giggles are wondering if you are maniacal or not, is entertainment by itself  J
P.S.  If any of my coworkers read this, it’s a joke  *winks*

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dark Lord Sinter Klaas

So…
I realize that I live in New England.  I also realize that snow in March in New England “aint no big thing”, but it is to ME dammit!
Last week while I was out for a 60 degree stroll, I LIKED the fact that there was no snow.  Although there were puddles everywhere and mud everywhere else, I PREFERRED that to the depressing white sheet covering everything that I left work to find yesterday.  New England or not…I hate snow and everything
that my simple mind associates with it….Which brings me to my current rant.
Last December when the joy of Christmas abounded and the illumination of holiday lights made the reality of an early sunset bearable, I didn’t mind winter at all.  The commute to and from my new job
was made more pleasant by the first lovely dusting of snow on the winterberries on Route 495.  Those first few sets of holiday decorations were welcomed with childlike enthusiasm.  Each new display along my way was acknowledged with glee---for the first couple of weeks.  However, By the time the middle of December arrived, I thought I had seen every possible combination available, and was pretty much looking forward to December 26th.  One particularly long commute in one  morning, as I exited the highway and was about to head for the center of town I was greeted, no frightened, by the most ridiculous double story tall two dimensional Santa that had ever been displayed and attached to the side of a house.  In fact, had a Double story tall two dimensional Santa ever been displayed in the first place, this one would have beat it in its ridiculousness (is that even a word?).  And to make matters worse, far below, propped up on the ground by two by fours was an equally terrifying cut out of Santa’s reindeer.  I shrieked, then laughed when I saw them and quickly lost all faith in humanity. 
As the weeks passed, I have waited for the day when I would pull around the corner and see the naked house standing sans Santa and his reindeer and day after day when it didn’t happen, I just figured it was due to the extreme amount of snow that we have had this winter.  Vile frozen liquid that it is, I know I wouldn’t want to get out there in it and extract Santa and his reindeer or climb on a roof to take them down for that matter.   But the snow has melted more and more each day to the point where the propped up reindeer have fallen flat on their faces (literally) and this is where they still remain. 
Yesterday morning as I drove by, I realized as I looked at the new blanket of white covering the fallen reindeer that the joke of the Giant Santa is no longer a joke.  He taunts me!  What is wrong with the people who live there?  It is MARCH for heaven’s sake…put Santa away!  How much longer will we be subjected to the Massive, unsightly jolly old elf with his finger pointing at every passing car as a mocking reminder of the continuing cold days of winter?  The more I think about it the more paranoid he makes me feel.  What if he has some sick and paranormal influence on our weather and will withhold spring from us until he is safely taken out of public view.  When they do finally take him down, where will he be hidden?  He is huge!  Will he take his anger out on his procrastinating owners and withhold summer altogether allowing the nasty white stuff to cover then melt, cover then melt?  This morning as I drove by and saw that the snow had once again melted, I thought to stop and leave an offering to Dark Lord Sinter Klaas to appease his wrath and prevent an eternal winter but decided it probably wouldn’t help, besides, with my luck at that very moment when I was beneath him, the bolts would break and I would end up face down and two dimensional as are the reindeer.
Sigh, oh well, I guess I will just have to button up my coat and wait it out like everyone else.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Are you tiring of these lame ass poems yet?

UNWORTHY
I am ashamed to think that anyone could see me through such eyes...
For this devotion I am unworthy to receive
For the distance and the hours and the minutes and the days
Have left a tainted memory and a heart upon your sleeve...
So, I will try my hardest, to maintain the sense of trust
For this devotion I am unworthy to obtain
And love the distance and the hours and the minutes and the days
Until there is no space and we are one again...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Digging up all these old peoms from long ago......

Love Fades...
Love wanes and withers, in the dark
Banished from touch or embrace
In the place that once ignited passion’s spark
Alone and silently it grieves
Love dims slowly in the daylight
Taunted by expectations and demands
In the place that once was vibrant with delight
It fails to thrive being fed the dull  mundane.
Love dies quickly without passion
Neglected  by resentment and defeat
Arguments and anger become the only interaction
Bringing only silence and the quick retreat
Love fades forever once it passes
Apathetic, neither even tries
Hurts turn quickly into secrets
And secrets grow-- maturing into lies

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Just because he can....

So…
I need to get something off my chest.  
Sometimes when I reread the things that I write it makes me wish that I was actually speaking to my reader.  The reason for this is that when I read my own thoughts….they sometimes seem pretty damn cynical and often sarcastic to the point of caustic, and I cannot have the opportunity to explain how those words got on the page and what mind they emerged from.  I guess my main concern would have to be that this is how am perceived as a person…I am not really bitter at all…the things I write are never meant maliciously or critically…they are just pointing out the obvious and sometime obliviousness of those other earthlings who share this amazing orb with me.  Sometimes, it IS the clothes that make the clown, and I like to discern who the clown is and why he likes to wear yellow (or blue, or red, or pink…..).  Ah…I feel better now.  That being said….here we go again.
The other day while sitting in my favorite café, I sensed someone walking past my chair.  Looking up I realized that not only was this person wearing a Toupee but that the hairpiece had been intended for a much larger head than the one resting on this man’s shoulders.  The postiche looked like an Elvis wig that firstly, had gone horribly astray and secondly, would have fit Elvis in his last days as opposed to when he was young and thin (if you catch my drift).  That isn’t necessarily humorous by itself, I realize, but as he continued past me, he looked down at his feet and when he did, the wig separated at the nape of his neck and I could see a quick glimpse of about a 1 inch gap that allowed viewing midway up his bald head.  I felt like a little boy looking up a nun’s skirt (some things are not meant to be seen).  It covered his ears in a way that was not meant to cover his ears.  Its hairline fell just above the man’s eyebrows like how bangs would sit.  Ok…now this was funny to me.  I watched this gentleman as he continued past me and giggled curiously at the hat on his head that was manufactured to look like human hair.  After all, isn’t this in essence what he was wearing, a hat?   I joked to myself that he had probably found it at a yard sale or it had been bequeathed to him as part of an estate, or better yet,   perhaps he found the mop in an attic somewhere.  I could just see him pulling the dusty salt and pepper chapeau from grandpa’s trunk saying “I remember seeing Grandpa wear this as a boy”, and then whistfully pulling it onto his much too small head where it would be displayed day after day…..…the reunion of so many memories….sigh
…And, in typical misfit fashion, this put a question in my mind to muse over….WHY?  Did he sport this manmade mullet in the summer?  Was it keeping his head warm?  Why would someone get up every morning and shower, dress, brush their teeth, have coffee, read the morning paper and oh yeah, pull a much too large faded Elvis wig onto their cranium and go out and face the world?  Did he put it on at home or in the car before he reached his destination?  I can imagine him now, pulling to a stop, placing the car in park, pulling the key out of the ignition, removing his seatbelt and reaching over onto the passenger seat where the thing laid curled up like a sleeping skunk and pulling it onto his head while looking at himself confidently in the rear view mirror.   What kind of performance art is going on here? Exactly what amount of genius is hidden beneath the artificially hirsute skullcap? 
Now, I can understand women wearing wigs.  I can…in fact I LOVE wigs--on women—and I can see why they are not only important, but sometimes necessary.  I guess it’s the man thing I have trouble with.  Please don’t think I’m being sexist, that’s just not my point.  What I am trying to drive home here is that we live in a society where woman are EXPECTED to have lovely hair.   Hell, for years I have WORKED as a hairdresser.  The hair industry is a  major contributor of our economy …hair color, perms, highlights, cuts, styles, blah, blah, blah…the list goes on and on, all designed for one thing, to make women look and feel more attractive.    Magazine images depict woman with exotic and creative hairstyles.  Fashion runways enhance the look of the fashions with a theme using hairstyles to “make the look”…even the Bible uses the verse “ …A woman’s hair is her crowning glory” (1 Corinthians 11:14-15)---a woman’s hair.  I guess even God likes pretty hair on a lady, eh?  For this reason (the societal importance, not God’s preference), It is very traumatic for most women to lose their hair due to illness or skin conditions or just plain genetics.  It is commendable and understandable why people donate long ponytails to “Locks of Love” to help those who have been ill to feel more positively about themselves.  With the focus on a woman’s hair in our society you would expect a woman to try to enhance her features with gorgeous follicles, whether artificial or not---But a man?  Why?
Most Men naturally go bald, this is the hard truth.  Look around you kids.  Look at the percentage of bald or balding men as compared to men with a full lush head of hair.  Get my point?  And of those men who still have their hair, what percentage actually shave their heads to almost nothing, or cut it so short that it doesn’t matter if they take the plunge and shave the rest anyway.  Then ask most women who have matured beyond wanting a boy and prefer a man if the baldness bothers them.  They may make a joke referencing the famous Fabio, but most of the ones that I have spoken to find bald men to actually be quite attractive if not sexy.  I know I do for one.  In fact, to me, it is almost odd to see a man past the age of 45 with a full head of hair. (http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/patientcare/healthcare_services/mens_health/hair_loss/pages/index.aspx ).  They stand out in a crowd.   Bald hair and thinning hair in men is totally acceptable, tolerated and not even noticed for the most part (unless of course you are Sy Sperling the founder of Hair club for Men and trying to make a buck off the insecurity of the vain few).  Oh, and if you are a man and still have your hair…good for you.  Some women will prefer YOU over the hair deficient guys, it all balances out in the end, I suppose.
Ok, now that some important points have been state, I can take a breath and get on with my point and address the question at hand--“WHY?”…Which brings us back to my friend in the restaurant. I guess that this man had the right as an American citizen to go out in public with his furry crash helmet and not be ridiculed, right?  And I am not ridiculing him….but I just can’t get past the why?
WHY?  If he is balding, then it is absolutely acceptable to shave your head and not stand out, why not just sport a chrome dome?  In these modern times, this is the norm.  If he had dirty hair, then a simple wash in the men’s room sink would do it.  If he is ashamed of his baldness, then why not wear a hat?  Perhaps his destination did not allow such an accessory to be worn?  Was this his way of advertising his genius?  Or my final idea would be that he was just weird and liked his big floppy hairpiece and that he enjoys to not only stand out in the crowd…but to wear his misfit status proudly and chooses to look that way simply because he CAN… simple as that.  Didn’t Einstein even stand out in a crowd?  Just because he could?  I don’t know, even though I question it, I think THAT reason is the best reason of all…

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Predicament

Ok...going out on a limb here, I wrote this some years back and found it tonight and thought it might
be worth posting....Am I the only one who has ever felt this way?


                              The Predicament

i cry transparent droplets
and scream without a sound
and whisper to break the silence
of your intimidating rage

and all the while
without my even trying
my ways bring your rebuke
so i wither from your judgment
in my imaginary cage

but the me is getting smaller
and the you is getting larger
and soon i am afraid
i'll completely disappear

 all the while.....
your voice is getting louder
while mine is getting softer
and it's making it so neither one
of us can hear.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Some People are Soooooo Annoying!

So.
What does one choose to write about when nothing at all comes to mind…I know!  How about ridiculously annoying people?
Come on, we’ve all seen them.  Like, for instance, ever notice how people always lean forward when they drive uphill?  Or how about those people who close their eyes when they talk to you?  Or worse look up at the ceiling while speaking?  Why do they do that anyway? 
How about people who leave the cat hair on their sweaters to let the world know they are “catlovers”?
Ever watch how some men  walk when a hot woman is standing there?  They pull their shoulders back so far that when they swing their arms (and boy do they swing their arms) and that quirky stride they do…they look just like oversized chimpanzees…which is really funny because a lot of the ones I have met were only about one step up on the evolutionary scale.
Oh, and ex spouses…has there ever been a good one?  What is it about marriage that turns a wonderful human being into the most vile dirt crawler imaginable, the husband is usually remembered as a drunk, cheat or a liar and the wife almost always ends up being called a whore…and it happens to all of them! Exes I mean…
HA HA!  Men with mullets….or worse...toupees?  Do I really need to elaborate?
Hey, what about morbidly obese women who wear control undergarments that only cover where panties would be.  Where do they think the excess goes?  Yup, over, under and everywhere else.  I suppose it could be worse, they could be sporting a thong…of course who would know.
Elderly women who wear high heels with elastic leg sport pants, even if it is adorable…
People who yell things  at their television sets
Anyone who earns a place on www.peopleofwalmart.com
Here’s some more…
Men who wear tube socks with sandals.  WTF?
Close talkers
People who spit when they talk
Close talkers who spit when they talk
Or, here’s one, Women who talk sweetly yet very loudly to their children while in public.  Are they trying to convince us that they talk like that at home?  Because you and I both know...... *winks*
And what about those kids…why are  they always their age and ½.  At what age do we stop saying that?  I mean is there an average age?  I bet the government has already spent millions to figure it out…result: inconclusive.
Ah and don't forget about the well known Know it all…including know it alls who deny they are know it alls at all and attempt to argue the point, because they feel that they would know for sure if they were a know it all
Oh, and by the way, while we're at it--Don’t forget people who have stinky feet
Ya know what else?  How about when you can smell what someone’s house smells like when they walk by you in the grocery store.  Or people who throw their trash on the ground.
People who blow their nose in a restaurant while you are eating are one of the worse.  Sorry kids, but just because you have finished your meal doesn’t mean I want to lose my appetite for mine.  Incidentally,  while we are on the subject.  Why do you feel the need to make an audible ACHOO sound with your voice when you sneeze, you are disruptive enough already.
Then of course there are people who whisper in just a decibel or two below their normal voice so that you can still hear everything they are saying;
And people who refer to others by their last name.
What-is-the-story with those inconsiderate people who talk wicked loud on cell phones in public places like restaurants or malls or libraries…or public restrooms-- Or grizzled old people who complain all the time and never smile-- 
or Giggling Pre teen girls who wear too much makeup to the mall and think it looks amazing:

Dark Roots,
Comb-overs--
Middle aged woman who always want to know who your mother is, like they would know her.  Besides, even if they did, then what?
I guess this list could go on and on, but for now is enough to keep you thinking for a while.  I would love to have some additions though….Just think….We could start the longest list of annoying type people on earth!  It could go around the world…It would become viralwe could ALL be famous and invited onto Larry King live…and it would have all started with ME
Oh, I forgot the most annoying one….people full of themselves with visions of grandeur. J