Thursday, January 20, 2011

I hate public restrooms!

I was thinking...
I think that if I were ever to develop a mental illness I would pick obsessive compulsive disorder.  Wait!!!  Before you click to exit my blog, hear me out.  I am not making jest of OCD or any other mental disorder…Hell, some of the most interesting and loved people I have ever known have suffered from one condition or another, what I am saying is that if I HAD to pick one (out of the several that many people claim that I already suffer from), It would be Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Well actually, not just obsessive compulsive disorder in general, but one certain obsession in particular.  I hate public restrooms!  Sometimes restrooms in general, but I hate public restrooms the most.   I hate the kind where you have to walk the gauntlet of stall after stall to reach the end where you know you are more likely to find a tidy one.  Ever walk into one, like at work, and you hear two people having a friendly conversation while they are peeing???  What is up with that…since when was it ok to share our most intimate acts and consider it a way to spend quality time together?  “I know! Let’s all bring our knitting and go sit in the ladies room on the toilets and girl talk”.  WTF???  Ever walk into one and they are talking to each other in two side by side stalls--and you can’t understand what language they are speaking???  AWKWARD…!   The worst though, are the kind like at the mall where you walk in and you have to wait in a line for like 10 minutes breathing everyone’s filth only to have to walk into the stall right after someone else.  You know you’re in trouble when they won’t make eye contact with you.  Now I know why our mothers taught us not to sit on the seat.  Who wants to feel some dirty person’s body heat…EEEK! It makes my skin crawl.  Even worse, I hate how you have to hold y…ughhhh….never mind, It’s grossing me out just thinking about it (shudders).
Unfortunately though, sometimes the really public ones like at the mall are una-void-able (get the pun?) You just have to swallow your pride and dignity- suck it up and deal with the situation.  I for one hate when this happens!  Why is it that you can be walking through the mall and see half empty trash cans being emptied, maintenance workers behind brooms that are pushing imaginary dirt, Sparklingly clean windows being washed of their imaginary blemishes, spotless rugs being vacuumed…etc… but you walk in the ladies room and have to tip toe through the shards and streamers of toilet paper, wade through puddles or God knows what type of liquid and breathe nauseatingly foul air in order to reach your distasteful destination??? And all the while, classical music plays and the fineries of society are tastefully displayed not 50 feet outside the door?  And while they can spend thousands and thousands of dollars on seasonal mall decorations, they can’t keep toilet paper in the dispenser or off the floor for that matter, is there no middle ground?  Why is toilet paper always either non-existent or all over the floor.   Couldn’t they just put extra in there? WHO CONTROLS THIS?!!! WHY ARE THEY SO IGNORANT TO THE FACTS???!!!
Now, I hate to make you think that I am paranoid, mind you, but why is it that in every mall you visit, the restrooms are located in such an isolated, dingy and desolate area?  Ever look at the people lurking outside of them?  Who or what are they waiting for?  Why would any normal person lurk near such a place?   And the cameras…they have cameras outside of them!  Why?  What are they watching for? It’s almost like some sick mind knowingly watches and knows how disgusting these filth factories are and attempting to gain some perverse entertainment value from it.  Yeah.  Either that or they are trying
 to just push the matter aside and out of mind by having things on film rather than witnessed in person,  just in case, rather than managing and just cleaning the damn things….AND WHAT IS THAT SMELL???  My bathroom at home at its worst doesn’t smell like that!  Is that repulsively pungent smell some kind of spray deodorant they use?  Because every one of them smells exactly the same way.   Ever use the one in Kmart (any Kmart, pick one)?  They’re the worse?  Oh, and one more thing…why can’t they ever fill the freaking vending machines?  Really?! Would it put them out of business to just once let someone actually receive what they paid for?  Or at least have a refund policy, sheesh, it’s not like they use the proceeds to fund bathroom maintenance.  Oh, and here is one for you ladies…ever stolen a glance into a men’s room?  We definitely have the better end of that bargain, trust me, I’ve done my research.  But yet, why is it that Men never have to wait in line or why is it again, that they are in and out and waiting for us, before we can get the trail of toilet paper off of our heel!  Sigh, I don’t know, I personally think it’s all some kind of an evil plot…a conspiracy if you will.  One with some dark and devious underlying purpose, I just haven’t been able to figure it out yet.

1 comment:

  1. Oh,you are wonderful. This is exactly why I hated going from an office where 5 of us shared two little bathrooms, to one where a couple hundred women share a 10-stall job. ARRGH!