Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Green people….pffft…
This weekend, I took a cruise out to Whole Foods Market in Hadley to buy De-ionized water for my beloved fish tank.  Now I am far from a health food nut (one look at my svelte frame will tell you that) so my even being there was a travesty…but my fish are worth the extra effort.  Walking in to the store, I stepped up onto the sidewalk and nearly fell over backward on the ice.  Arms flailing, I twisted my back and grabbed first onto my poor husband, then onto the post for dear life.  My husband, startled, reached out form me asking quite loudly (because it surprised him), “Are you all right?”  Being the only chunky person entering the store, this must have been quite a spectacle to see, so not only was I shaking and in pain from the lovely upper back muscle twist, but my pride had been damaged and I was embarrassed.  Walking into the Market, I was pretty pissed off.  When I got inside, I asked the front desk to please put something down for the ice so that no one else had the same incident, and a few minutes later, they were on the spot.  Feeling self pride at them jumping to my demand, I turned around to push my carriage over to the aisle with the water dispenser, head held high, beaming in my victory.  Just then a blur of what appeared to be one half of ‘THING ONE AND THING TWO” from Dr. Suess’s, “Cat In The Hat” scurried in front of me cutting me off and again, almost making me slip on the wet floor…In disgust, I shook my head and looked for a parental unit to show my disdain...  Apparently feeding one’s young on granola makes you free of the responsibility of behavioristically rearing them.  Or so I opine.   
After Thing One rejoined his caretaker, I proceeded to the dispenser to fill my numerous containers with the water.  The floor in the entire aisle was wet and dirty from the multitude of muddy wet shoes walking through in addition to the drips of water that had been left behind by the water machine.  I perused the aisle to see if there were any open paper towels (or a mop) so that I could wipe the floor in some of the puddled wet spots so that myself or someone else didn’t fall…no open packages or towels provided, but I did notice the entire aisle was filled with product after product of happy, earth friendly soaps, cleaners, paper products…imagine, all natural toilet paper…Wow…all natural household items of every type imaginable.  I didn’t even realize that there could be that many ways to be earth friendly and natural. 
My bottle was full, time for another, and another and another.
A couple minutes into it, I looked over and saw the little menace (remember Thing One?) rolling on the floor beneath his maternal’s carriage while his oblivious mother examined bottle after bottle of cleaning product, reading the ingredients to ensure its purity and wholesomeness.  Only the purest for her family; She even went so far as to call an employee over to offer guidance on the issue.  While she was looking for the most pure and natural way to clean her house, Un-noticed, her infuriatingly obnoxious 4 year old was rolling around on the floor in the mire of automobile oil and brake fluid residue, road salt, sidewalk spittle and Lord knows what else that had been tracked in on the boots of everyone in the store. He writhed on the floor like a little mop absorbing every vile bacteria and chemical present from the walk from parking lot to cleaning aisle.  I watched him, mouth aghast.  She didn’t have a clue!  Finally, having found just the right product, she contentedly lifted her contaminated child to the carriage and placed him feet first to sit among her food and produce and rounded the corner in egress.  His little back was soaked and filthy…even his hair was wet!  I shuddered. 
On the way out of the store a thought occurred to me.  My husband exited the store in annoyance with me but in the spirit of journalism, I just had to ask.  As I approached the service desk, the guy who met my wrath on the way in, refused to look up from what he was doing to speak to me (chicken!), so I asked his co-worker what they clean their floors with.  He did tell me that they use only natural cleaning products in a very defensive way, but that once a month an outside vendor comes in and uses “their own products” to clean and wax and strip the floors.   I asked if their products were all natural and he said that he doubted it.  I also noticed that standard snow salt was used on the sidewalk (not earth or even pet friendly). Not to sound sarcastic, well maybe just a bit, but does this trump the “all natural cleaners” claim?   You decide and then let me know, so I know I’m not just crazy…. 
 So, I ask you….Does no one else think of these things?  While all these very kind, health conscious people were tolerantly stepping over the pre-schooler, with their salty dirty feet dripping, did it occur to any of them the contradiction taking place before their very eyes? 
A contradiction that they themselves were part of?  Didn’t it piss anyone else off as much as it did me?  It took every bit of social grace and every physical strength I had not to walk up to Mother of the Year, tap her on the shoulder, hand her kid a Twinkie and tell her to “Get over it and join the rest of the human race”.  Am I the one with the issue here?
My husband says that I just don’t think like other people; that I see the world through different eyes…I don’t know, I think sometimes, that’s a good thing.

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