Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dark Lord Sinter Klaas

I realize that I live in New England.  I also realize that snow in March in New England “aint no big thing”, but it is to ME dammit!
Last week while I was out for a 60 degree stroll, I LIKED the fact that there was no snow.  Although there were puddles everywhere and mud everywhere else, I PREFERRED that to the depressing white sheet covering everything that I left work to find yesterday.  New England or not…I hate snow and everything
that my simple mind associates with it….Which brings me to my current rant.
Last December when the joy of Christmas abounded and the illumination of holiday lights made the reality of an early sunset bearable, I didn’t mind winter at all.  The commute to and from my new job
was made more pleasant by the first lovely dusting of snow on the winterberries on Route 495.  Those first few sets of holiday decorations were welcomed with childlike enthusiasm.  Each new display along my way was acknowledged with glee---for the first couple of weeks.  However, By the time the middle of December arrived, I thought I had seen every possible combination available, and was pretty much looking forward to December 26th.  One particularly long commute in one  morning, as I exited the highway and was about to head for the center of town I was greeted, no frightened, by the most ridiculous double story tall two dimensional Santa that had ever been displayed and attached to the side of a house.  In fact, had a Double story tall two dimensional Santa ever been displayed in the first place, this one would have beat it in its ridiculousness (is that even a word?).  And to make matters worse, far below, propped up on the ground by two by fours was an equally terrifying cut out of Santa’s reindeer.  I shrieked, then laughed when I saw them and quickly lost all faith in humanity. 
As the weeks passed, I have waited for the day when I would pull around the corner and see the naked house standing sans Santa and his reindeer and day after day when it didn’t happen, I just figured it was due to the extreme amount of snow that we have had this winter.  Vile frozen liquid that it is, I know I wouldn’t want to get out there in it and extract Santa and his reindeer or climb on a roof to take them down for that matter.   But the snow has melted more and more each day to the point where the propped up reindeer have fallen flat on their faces (literally) and this is where they still remain. 
Yesterday morning as I drove by, I realized as I looked at the new blanket of white covering the fallen reindeer that the joke of the Giant Santa is no longer a joke.  He taunts me!  What is wrong with the people who live there?  It is MARCH for heaven’s sake…put Santa away!  How much longer will we be subjected to the Massive, unsightly jolly old elf with his finger pointing at every passing car as a mocking reminder of the continuing cold days of winter?  The more I think about it the more paranoid he makes me feel.  What if he has some sick and paranormal influence on our weather and will withhold spring from us until he is safely taken out of public view.  When they do finally take him down, where will he be hidden?  He is huge!  Will he take his anger out on his procrastinating owners and withhold summer altogether allowing the nasty white stuff to cover then melt, cover then melt?  This morning as I drove by and saw that the snow had once again melted, I thought to stop and leave an offering to Dark Lord Sinter Klaas to appease his wrath and prevent an eternal winter but decided it probably wouldn’t help, besides, with my luck at that very moment when I was beneath him, the bolts would break and I would end up face down and two dimensional as are the reindeer.
Sigh, oh well, I guess I will just have to button up my coat and wait it out like everyone else.