Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dark Lord Sinterklaas UPDATE

If you remember back to a month or so ago, I had introduced you to Dark Lord Sinterklaas who was withholding spring from us all.  This villain’s presence still plagues my morning commute and this morning as I travelled to work I decided that it was time to do something about it.  Writing down the house number and looking at the street, I now know where to send my thoughts.  Below is a letter that I have drafted in this regard…..
Dear Sir/Madam:
I write to you today to respectfully ask, no… plead with you, to please take down that wretched plywood cut out of St. Nicholas that mocks me each day as I pass by your house.
As you may have noticed, your wall Calendar no longer indicates that it is December, it now displays the month of April. Marked by the budding of the trees, the Vernal Season has arrived.  Christmas has come and gone months ago and it is now time to remove your frightening Yuletide display and welcome the splendor of the New England Springtime. 
In recent weeks as the Easter holiday has approached, I have entertained notions of a similarly frightening, large two dimensional Easter Bunny arriving in his place.  Initially I contemplated that this alternative would have been more palatable.   Soon, though, those fantasies brought on the harsh possibility that perhaps, he too would hang--until in June or July, he was replaced by Uncle Sam.  This epiphany brought on a fast sobriety regarding the subject at hand.   As I thought about this I soon questioned, where would it all stop…how far would it go?   Would a Giant Witch, Spider, Vampire or similarly ghoulish figure be displayed in October?   Even worse, perhaps a Gargantuan Gobbler would be hung when November arrived?  I realized the possibilities and shuddered.
So, dear Sir or Madam, I ask you.   How long do you plan to display your Two Dimensional Nightmare; Indefinitely?  Is it your goal to just leave him up until once again, the skies turn dark, the weather turns bitter and snowflakes fall?  How long will you leave him up?  Christmas has passed and soon the heat of summer will be upon us.  Think of the condition that the burning rays of the sun will leave your effigy in.  Think of the fading that will occur, or worse the black mold from the rain penetrating into the pores of the wood.  What of the rusting and decay of the installation hardware.  What of safety? If not for esthetic or communal decency, then do it for Santa Claus--for heaven’s sake!  DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!!!
Now, I understand that there are circumstances that come up in our life that prevent us from performing certain tasks, but if this is the case then I implore you, surely there is SOMEONE who could retire this monument to an acceptable storage facility.  He is scaring people! 
Please dear friends, take a moment to consider my request and remove the vile two dimensional display before It is once again time to put it back up again.  If you decide you ignore my request, then as a favor could you at least tie a large yo-yo to his pointing finger so that he is not so threatening to those passing by?
A Concerned Citizen
I’m not quite sure when or if I will actually send this letter, but for now, it gave me a pretty strong sense of satisfaction….

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pomme D'amore

Today during lunch a funny conversation occurred….
My daughter and I were enjoying our oranges-- trading sections and comparing the different taste of each.  My daughter hates the state of Florida (even though she has never been there) and I am in love with the state.  I was enjoying a Florida orange.  Incidentally, she who will be travelling to Los Angeles in a few weeks on vacation just happened to be eating a fruit from the state of, you guessed it…California.
Gleefully, my Florida orange was the juicier, better tasting of the two, HA!
But this is all beside the point.

As the oranges were consumed, the question came up regarding the origin of oranges as a food.... 

Her: “Imagine the first person who ever tasted and orange?”
Me:  “I bet they were like wow! Both before and after they figured out that they had to peel it first”
         They used to think that tomatoes were poisonous you know.”
Her: “They did?”
Me: “Yeah, imagine the guy that tried to commit suicide by eating tomatoes?”
Her: “I bet he gave all his things away and told people off and made them mad before he did it”
Me: “Fail”
Her: “I bet that’s why they throw tomatoes at people now, because of that guy”
Me: “Sorry for spitting soda out my nose all over the place”
Her: “Wish I had a tomato right now.”
Just thought I would share with you all…oh, by the way…I wish I could have been there to watch the orange guy’s face when he finished his orange and bit into that Lemon for the very first tme…

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Today while sitting at my desk, I got a notion to send my husband a message at his work to let him know I was thinking of him.  I opened my last text and proudly typed XOXOXO on the screen and hit send.  A few minutes later I got a text back from my son, Erik, asking what my text was all about.  Apparently, he had sent me a text earlier and thinking it was my hubby’s last one, when I opened it, it was his that I replied to with the message.  I replied telling him to ignore the last text, it wasn’t for him.  A minute or two later, it occurred to me that I had just told my own son to disregard my hugs and kisses, that they weren’t meant for him. 
Oh well, so much for this year’s Mother’s Day gift from him. 
On another note…here is today’s question.
Last week one of the VP’s at my company fell skiing and hurt his knee.  His office is across from mine and
watching him today, I have made an interesting observation.  He limps all the time so I know that he is in pain, but what is interesting is that when someone asks how he is doing, and he stops his pace to tell them, when he walks away, his limp is much, much worse.
Is it possible that stopping to talk for 30 seconds to describe his injury and accident in detail (for the billionth time) would cause enough pain to return to make him limp that much worse?
I suppose it’s possible…go figure. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Way ta go Slick, YOU ROCK!

Driving into work this morning an interesting point came up…
Why is it that so many women apply their makeup, and do the front of their hair flawlessly and yet leave the back looking like they combed it with an eggbeater? Men don’t do this… Is it just laziness or do they truly not even know how bad it looks?
2010/07/22  /uh-oh-the-lowdown-on-britney-
Now I realize that the fact that I did hair for a living for years may make me a little more sensitive to this, but seriously, is it just me, yet again who picks up on these things?  Ever see someone walking and you just want to reach up and say “here love, let me get this for you” and just start combing all the curls that were placed there with the morning curling iron routine and then forgotten when the front was combed or styled?  Or, if you are going to take that much time to use a flat iron, then Sweetie, include those poor lonely tresses in the back of your head, ignoring them just makes you look like you spent the last 6 hours lying flat on your back like a turtle trying to get up…and having a damn hard time at it.

This brought up another question.  What makes us like how we look to begin with no matter how ridiculous the style is?  Who dictates “style” and trends?  I remember years ago going to hair shows and some of the things that the designers and models up on the stage were trying to push as “coiffures” were nothing more than some mistake made while experimenting on some unsuspecting classroom model…but because “Paul Mitchell Systems”, or Some nameless artistic director from any one of the Salon Product lines said that it was HIGH FASHION, people lined up to have it done to them.  Remember the RACHEL hairstyle in the 1990’s?  The choppy shag that Jennifer Anniston made famous on the TV show “Friends”?  That was nothing more than an accident that had to be corrected as Jennifers hair grew out and Jennifer Anniston HATED it (  Of course the rest of American woman went for it like hotcakes.  Like lemmings, British women claimed it as the Country's most popular hairstyle They all had their hair cut to match.   Hell, some still sport it to this day!
I remember years ago there was a girl who worked in a local department store and every time I saw her she had the same style.  She had very naturally curly dark hair and she would apply some sort of an oily salon product to tame the curls…to the point where the hair was clumped solidly and oily all the way down to the ends as if it had Vaseline in it, and who knows maybe it did….  She would then divide the hair into 5 or 6 sections and there it would hang in sectioned banana curls.  It was always the same stuck straight to her scalp and hanging freely from chin to ends.  I began to wonder if she just didn’t wash or take care of it and it was her natural hair oil causing this until one day I went to the store to buy some items and when I had to make a next day return trip to the store to exchange some of them, I realized this was not the case--it was on purpose.  That next day, I went into the store and she was there with what appeared to be brand new the night before, professionally applied blonde highlights….the only problem is that the highlights hung heavily, included in the oily spirals.  I could just hear her telling the hairdresser how to style her hair…first put a handful of styling crème(or bacon grease), then divide the hair into 5 or 6 even sections and just let ‘em hang…  WTF???? From that day on, she affectionately came to be known to me as “Slick”. 
I don’t know what to think of all of this, I guess it doesn’t matter WHAT I think.  I guess the point is-- SHE thought it looked awesome!  And because of it, she ROCKED that hairdo… even if it did look ridiculous to the general public. 
At the end of the day, I guess it all comes down to what makes us feel good about ourselves is what is important.  It's what gives each of us a sense of identity, ridiculous in other peoples eyes or not. However, although I am sure that multiple sociological studies have been performed on the subject--I just hope it never changes, because the whole damn thing just makes me chuckle…. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

You've Got Mail

I have come up with a nice quiet secret way to have fun at work….
Since almost all of the interoffice communication takes place via email, there are
quite alot of “thank you”(s) sent. 
Here is my game, from now on whenever I get a thank you
for a task or any short reply in general, I will send back a reply such as “no…thank you” or “ok”, or “You are very welcome”, or “thank YOU for your help” or “your patience is commendable”.  You get the picture, something that may illicit another reply.
Now, the entertainment comes from seeing how many replies you can receive from the other person to keep the thread going.  The art of the whole thing is that the unsuspecting “victim” on the other end of the email has no idea that you are using them for your own entertainment purposes.  You can vary the game by setting daily, weekly or monthly reply goal records or even a hall of fame as to who you get to unknowingly play along most often.  I tell you it is complete and total secret sportsmanship-- AND you still appear to be an efficient and diligent employee.  It’s the perfect crime! …Pure Genius!
So next time you have an opportunity, try it out.  If nothing else, knowing that those around your desk hearing your giggles are wondering if you are maniacal or not, is entertainment by itself  J
P.S.  If any of my coworkers read this, it’s a joke  *winks*